Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
