I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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