I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
