Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize