Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize