Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i came on her dog
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
