From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize