Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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