there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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