Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
