life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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