I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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