Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
