hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
