I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
