If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
