I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
