you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
