oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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