Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
