Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
