Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
