Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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