i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my god I love twenty year old dicks
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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