Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
