I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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