So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize