Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
