Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well most of my day revolves around power hour
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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