I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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