My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
