I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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