you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
