just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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