I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
