Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
