Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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