my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Of course I have a pirate flag
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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