my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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