The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
