I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
