I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize