I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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