my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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