in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
