if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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