who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize