This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
