just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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