I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Life is so much better after having sex.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
