do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
