You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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