you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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