Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
