We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
