then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
