Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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