It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
